What advice do you have for beginners who are not used to achieving their goals?

Dr. Timothy Yen Pivot Counseling CEO

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I once attended a seminar where the speaker wrote a book called “How to Eat an Elephant?

The answer: One bite at a time. I had no idea why anyone would want to eat an elephant but I understood his point. Many people fail to accomplish their resolutions or goals simply because they seem too big! When we think about the big picture of our goals and the millions of steps and resources that will be required to achieve them, we get overwhelmed and many of us shut down. If I knew from the beginning the amount of work it would take to get my doctorate or the suffering that was entailed in my army experience, my young self might have said “no.” In achieving our goals, sometimes ignorance to the full cost is bliss!

I myself played victim at times to my goals. I would set them up and then be unable to achieve them for various reasons. Then I realized that it always came down to my lack of knowledge about what I wanted to achieve and the discipline necessary to carry it out.

Throughout several years of setting goals and accomplishing them, I’ve found that achieving goals or resolutions is not purely motivation or willpower but a healthy set of beliefs about myself and my capabilities. In the last blog, I talked about counting the cost before setting off on the journey. For example, if my dream/goal for 2022 was to take a vacation to the Maldives for a week or two, not only would I need to plan but I would need to research everything there is in terms of cost, timing, availability, and viability. Then I would need to sit down and consider several questions:

  1. Is this the wise thing to do right now given my current capacity? Do I have enough saved in my account to enjoy this vacation without feeling financial pressure?
  2. How are others affected by this decision? (e.g., my wife, kids, work, etc.)
  3. What adjustments do I need to make in order to have a minimal negative impact on my daily workflow? (e.g., jet lag, pandemic travel, etc.)
  4. Does this lifestyle create an appetite for something I cannot sustain in the future? (e.g., luxury living, travel, wanderlust, etc.)
  5. What are the benefits I receive compared to the price I pay? Sometimes saying “no” to the things we want is a sign that we are truly in alignment with our values. The purpose of these questions is to get clarity about your goals. What are they and are they truly what I want?” After asking yourself these 5 questions and answering them as honestly as possible, then it’s time to take action. The key is not to get overwhelmed! Have the conviction that these goals are truly what you want THEN you figure out the next step or two that you want to achieve.

This is just a small example of the steps I recommend to building a bulletproof New Year’s resolution. You see, what we want is not always what we truly want but rather how we want others to see us when we do amazing things. So it’s important to truly define your “elephant” by asking yourself these questions as your “one bite at a time.” Immediate action is not nearly as important as bringing more clarity into our lives of who we are and what we value. As they say “Work smarter, not harder!” For our final blog next week, I’ll discuss how I take massive action toward my goals and achieve them faster and better. See you then.

Dr. Timothy Yen
Dr. Timothy Yen

Dr. Timothy Yen is a licensed psychologist who has been living and working in the East Bay since 2014. He earned his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Azusa Pacific University, with a focus on Family Psychology and consultation. He has a private practice associated with the Eastside Christian Counseling Center in Dublin, CA. For 6.5 years, he worked at Kaiser Permanente, supervising postdoctoral residents and psychological associates since 2016. His journey began with over 8 years in the U.S. Army as a mental health specialist. He enjoys supportive people, superheroes, nature, aquariums, and volleyball.

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